For years, the way I felt about myself (specifically my size) was a hindrance when it came to developing and sustaining intimate relationships. I believed those genuinely interested in me only wanted to be with me out of pity. I believed men felt sorry for me so they asked me out. I believed that I was always a last resort since they couldn’t be with the slender, Halle Berry or Selma Hayek looking woman.
I allowed my low self-esteem to destroy me. I pushed men away because I thought I was too big for them. Would they feel comfortable introducing me to their family? Would they see me as desirable? Would they want to see my naked body while in the throes of passion? If I decided to give it a chance and things didn’t work out, I immediately blamed it on my weight. My fat ass couldn’t keep a man.
You always hear that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I agree, however it does not always work out that way. Sometimes you need someone to demonstrate that you are worthy of love. You are worthy of receiving love, the love you do not have to question, the love that makes you smile when you hear that person’s voice, the love that makes you think about future plans, the love that makes you want to do better for yourself. That love you receive may be what kick starts self-love. If that person loves me, why can’t I?
Had I known then that I was worthy of love I probably would be married by now…LOL. However nothing happens before it’s time. I now realize that the biggest thing on me is not my stomach or my thighs, but my heart. That is the only size that matters.
Much love (and I truly mean that)!
-The Curvy Doc