The holidays are here, and you know what that means…family visits!
Many will hear the following questions and/or comments from at least one family member. Now many of these you hear from an elder, but it seems that nowadays everyone wants to suffer from the “no filter syndrome”.
- When are you getting married?
- When are you having kids?
- How is school coming along?
- You sure got bigger from when I last saw you! Look at that/those (insert body part here).
PAUSE. Comment #4? This grinds my gears. You know what is also bad? When family members talk about your size behind your back, and it gets back to you. You know family can never keep things to themselves…LOL.
The holidays are already a tough time for many (myself included) so if you do not have any words of encouragement, I kindly ask that you just smile and wish me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and say nothing else. Even though you might be saying it in jest, it’s annoying. Family will justify the comment by saying things like “oh she’s old and she does that with everybody” or, “you know how Caribbean families are”. So? That doesn’t mean folks want to hear about their “buffalo butt” or thunder thighs”. Low self-esteem is real.
To my readers dreading visiting their family for this reason: don’t dignify the comment with a response. Change the topic, ask them about their life (and depending on their situation, they may shut up real quick). Of course be respectful, but take control of the conversation. I bet it won’t happen again next year.
To those reading who is that family member with no filter: One thing I’ve learned is if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. No one knows the impact a comment (even if it was meant to be funny) can make so please, please, PLEASE think before you speak. You never know what someone is going through, so be kind always.
I hope you all have a joyous and drama-free holiday season. Enjoy the last few weeks of 2017 as much as possible.
-The Curvy Doc